Slice of Life: These Tears

Don’t cry, I told myself, don’t you cry.

Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Pexels.com

This is not a big deal.

This is not a big deal.

Don’t cry.

But these tears

that drop;

they are not mine.

They came out,

released from

drops of shame,

of fear,

of timidity.

I don’t want to

call them mine.


Last week, I found myself tearing up in a conversation about planning for an English class with a colleague. It apparently did not bode well. It made me feel ashamed, embarrassed and awkward. It made me feel worse than when I cried in front of my students three times during my first two years of teaching. When I put out a poll on my Instagram about which situation is worse, the majority voted for the latter.

So why did crying in front of my colleagues feel worse for me? I think it has a lot to do with my pride. I prided myself in always being well put together before my colleagues. Creating English lesson plans was my forte. I found great confidence in that, more than my classroom management skills during those early years. So, to breakdown before my peers, is something I do not want to happen again.


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4 thoughts on “Slice of Life: These Tears

Add yours

  1. I feel this quite deeply. I am an incredibly emotional person; my co-teacher will often laugh and hug me when a student’s words move me to cry, saying, “You know you hit something good when Ms. S starts to cry!” But crying in front of colleagues, especially as a woman, is so often associated with weakness & vulnerability, which is precisely the opposite of what is really happening. When I allow my tears to flow, my emotion to come through, it is because I am feeling strong and secure enough to show my vulnerability.

  2. I admire your strength, and self control. I sadly have no control, and filter and let it all hang out with my colleagues. I don’t think there’s a right way or a wrong way- we all just want to survive. Thank-you for sharing and I hope this painful time passes quickly.

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