I want to stop time.
I once told myself that 1 week of Spring Break was too short and 3 weeks of Winter Break was edging on a little bit too long; 2 weeks was a happy medium. I used to find myself wanting to plan lessons ahead during these breaks but end up not doing much; I become disappointed in myself. Then, there was summer vacation. I used to feel restless and aimless towards the last few weeks of summer, desiring to go back into the rhythms of teaching because I indulged in “too much resting.”
However, this summer is different.
It is already more than halfway in, but I still feel that it is going by way too fast. I don’t feel too recharged at all despite having a pretty laid back schedule. Waking up past 9AM. Teaching a 4 week English class to merely 9 students. Tutoring my cousin twice a week. Marking off items off a grocery list. Just laying on the sofa willing headaches away. Meeting with friends. Going to Disneyland for my honeymoon. Writing on my blog and recording for my podcast. Telling myself every day to take in every moment—away from my chaotic middle school classroom. But each day keeps moving on…
Last night, as I was enjoying my night time reading routine, I found myself wanting to stop time, to extend summer longer, a very similar feeling that had been coming to me every weekend during the school year.
I stared at the clock before me, watching the right hand tick, tick, tick away. The calmness entering my body from the comfort of my king sized mattress came and went, came and went, came and went. My mind flew to images of grading weekly assignments, attending faculty meetings, and dealing with unsavory students behavior once more. My heart pumped a stream of anxiety in and out, in and out.
In and out.
Time, please stop.
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